


Wake the Dead

by roseclaw



Category: Bandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-12
Updated: 2010-06-12
Packaged: 2017-10-10 02:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseclaw/pseuds/roseclaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Prince Robert is born, the King and Queen throw a party inviting everyone who is anyone. This upsets one Evil Fairy, who was not invited and casts a curse on the newborn prince.  On the prince's 18th birthday, he is to prick his finger on the needle of a record player and die. Other princes ended up with trust funds from their parents. Bob's parents gave him a fucking curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> For the [](http://community.livejournal.com/hc_bingo/profile)[**hc_bingo**](http://community.livejournal.com/hc_bingo/) challenge for my [coma square](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/26806.html). The idea is a random one that came from reading a fic where Bob was only addressed as Bryar, and that made me think of Briar Rose: Sleeping Beauty. So. Coma square. Title from a The Used song by the same name. Quick beta by [](http://saekokato.livejournal.com/profile)[**saekokato**](http://saekokato.livejournal.com/).

  
  
  
  
  


**Entry tags:**

| 

  
[bandom](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/bandom), [bob is more awesome than you](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/bob%20is%20more%20awesome%20than%20you), [brian is my captain awesome](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/brian%20is%20my%20captain%20awesome), [cliche](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/cliche), [crack](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/crack), [fic](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/fic), [h/c bingo](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/h/c%20bingo), [rating: pg-13](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/rating:%20pg-13), [slash](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/tag/slash)  
  
  
---|---  
  
**Fandom:** Bandom (Bob Bryar, Jepha Howard, Brian Schechter)  
**Pairing:** Bob/Jepha  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 1,749 words  
**Spoilers:** n/a  
**Warnings:** crack, clichés, and mildly sexual situations  
**Author's Note:** For the [](http://community.livejournal.com/hc_bingo/profile)[**hc_bingo**](http://community.livejournal.com/hc_bingo/) challenge for my [coma square](http://autonomyanatomy.livejournal.com/26806.html). The idea is a random one that came from reading a fic where Bob was only addressed as Bryar, and that made me think of Briar Rose: Sleeping Beauty. So. Coma square. Title from a The Used song by the same name. Quick beta by [](http://saekokato.livejournal.com/profile)[**saekokato**](http://saekokato.livejournal.com/).  
**Disclaimer:** Everyone here belongs to themselves.  
**Summary:** After Prince Robert is born, the King and Queen throw a party inviting everyone who is anyone. This upsets one Evil Fairy, who was not invited and casts a curse on the newborn prince. On the prince's 18th birthday, he is to prick his finger on the needle of a record player and die. Other princes ended up with trust funds from their parents. Bob's parents gave him a fucking curse.

  
**Wake the Dead**

  
Bob sits on a cold stone bench pretending to study his Latin. He's really staring off into space wishing he had come up with a better excuse to avoid his lessons. He had tried to convince his parents that he had no reason to learn his lesson, what with being cursed and all. But his parents are in heavy denial – and, you know, the King and Queen. Their word is law. But everyone knows that the word of fairies – especially a curse – is true and as set in stone as Bob's bench. And Bob had totally been a bystander – and a baby – at the time. It hadn't been his fault at all. But his 18th birthday is quickly approaching and no one had figured out how to reverse the curse. Brian had done his job, sure, but he was only able to change the parameters of the curse, not the fact that Bob is fucking cursed.

Whatever.

He's cursed. He acknowledges it, unlike his parents. He's even resigned to it, even if his guardian (and parents) isn't. Good Fairies are paranoid as fuck, and Brian most of all. Bob has managed to ditch Brian temporarily, so Bob's a little paranoid himself that someone else will catch him without Fairy protection and not doing his lessons. Mostly the latter.

He tenses up when he hears the crunch of leather shoes on gravel.

Bob looks up to see a boy his age walking toward him with a lopsided grin. Everyone's been pouring into the castle in the past month. It'll continue for the next few, until Bob turns 18.

The boy is of noble blood. Bob can tell by the ridiculous feather sticking out of his equally ridiculous hat.

"I was told I'd find you here," the boy says lightly. There's nothing accusatory in his tone.

"Yeah?" Bob says, raising his eyebrows, pretending to be annoyed at the interruption.

"Jepharee," the boy states.

"Robert," Bob says. He's heard stories about Prince Jepha. Most of them were undoubtedly exaggerated, but Bob can see that some of them were not. Even though the prince wears clothing that covers the majority of his body, Bob can still see patches of inked skin poking out. It is rumored that Jepha has an addition of ink and the resulting pain.

"I know," Jepha says. "You live here."

Bob grunts. He definitely doesn't want to deal with another person, even if it is a legitimate excuse for not doing his studies. Why should he be nice to people if he's going to die in a few months? Okay, so Brian had reduced Bob's sentence to "falling into a deep sleep," but Bob doubts he'll ever wake up… so same thing.

Jepha sits down next to Bob on the bench. "So I hear you're cursed."

Bob grunts again. There's no way he can shake the prince off now.

"That must suck balls," Jepha says emphatically. "It must give you all sorts of excuses not to do your lessons." He points to Bob's book.

"Yeah," Bob says. "But it's not as all-encompassing as I'd like it to be."

"Hey!" Jepha exclaims. "More than a word at a time. I'm making progress."

"What do you want?" Bob asks after a pause.

"I'm here to tell you that I'm going to break your curse," Jepha says. His smirk is back.

Bob raises his eyebrows. He's heard that boast thousands of times over the last 18 years. His parents had removed every record player from the kingdom and called in every expert and soothsayer from surrounding kingdoms as well as their own. Brian's taught Bob enough about curses for Bob to know that there's no avoiding his fate, which is a completely stupid one, but Bob's accepted it anyway.

"I'll be the first face you see when you wake up," Jepha continues.

"You don't look like a maiden to me," Bob mutters. Brian had never specified who could wake Bob up with a kiss. (Brian has a fucking twisted sense of humor.) He had said that it must be someone fair and grounding. Whatever the fuck that means. And it'll be like a betrothal. Bob will marry whoever wakes him.

Bob assumes that the only person that will be able to wake him would be a maiden. He has yet to meet a guy who's not boastful and stupid. Maybe that's because everyone he meets tries too damn hard to impress him.

Jepha laughs easily. "I'll wear a dress, then."

Bob snorts in amusement. Curses can't be fooled by garments – or anything, really. "If you think that'll work."

"Why not?" Jepha asks. It's obviously rhetorically, and Bob thinks that maybe Jepha is good people.

_   
**Bandom: Wake the Dead**   
_

**:: :: ::**

  
It's Bob's 18th birthday. His parents have gone through all of Bob's gifts to make sure that no one gave him a record player. Bob still can't wrap his head around the stupidity of pricking his finger on a damn record player needle – and that will kill him? The Evil Fairies are running out of ideas. Besides, all Bob has to do is avoid record players for the rest of his life. It hasn't been difficult avoiding them thus far, especially when all of his music is electronic. No one uses record players anymore. No on under the age of 60 owns one either. But Brian keeps saying it is Bob's fate.

Everyone from the surrounding kingdoms has shown up, no doubt to see how Bob is going to end up pricking himself on a record player needle. Everyone but Prince Jepha, who is, apparently, out in the Outlands slaying a dragon to rescue a princess so he can marry her.

Whatever. If Jepha doesn't make an effort to show up on Bob's last day, whatever. Bob doesn't care. He's too busy dealing with Brian, who's hovering worse than a mother hen.

Bob desperately wants _everyone_ to stop hovering. Really. It's sordid, waiting around for him to drop. Plus, he doubts a record player can come near him when everyone's hovering, which is good.

Until Bob feels a warm palm on his and a sting on a finger.

He looks down to see a needle stabbing him. There's no culprit or record player in sight. Bob never thought that the record player needle would not have been attached to the record player. He doubts his parents thought of that – or _anyone_ thought of that.

He catches Brian's eyes – as wide and panicked as Bob's probably are.

In a very un-princely declaration of "God fucking damn it," Bob goes down.

**:: :: ::**

  
Someone is doing a very thorough job of kissing Bob. There are hands framing his face. The fingers are warm and catch on his stubble. There are rings on those fingers, warm metal against his skin.

Bob feels himself slowly surface into his own body. It's an odd feeling: the opposite of drowning, coming up for his first breath of air in years.

What bothers him is that he can barely move.

He still can't open his eyes, but he kisses back reflexively, his lips catching unexpectedly on metal. And everything comes rushing back: the curse, his birthday, the panic.

Finally, he pries his eyes open to stare into the eyes of the maiden who had finally been able to wake him.

He's met with a jaunty smirk and large, brown eyes.

"Welcome back," Jepha says. His voice is rough but not with emotion. "I told you I'd break the curse."

"Nugh," Bob says, still not in complete control of his body yet. He means to call Jepha all sorts of colorful and creative things that would make Bob's grandmother faint dead away.

"Can you get up?" Jepha asks.

"Ugh," Bob says. He wants to scrub at his face, but his hands don't seem to want to cooperate.

"Brian's pacing outside like he's waiting for you to give birth," Jepha says. "You want me to call him in and tell him it's a boy?"

Bob manages what he hopes is a glare.

"Hey, Brian!" Jepha shouts.

Bob tries not to wince, especially when the door bangs open and Brian races into the room.

Brian babbles at Bob so quickly that Bob's only able to catch the overall point: Brian blames himself.

"Don't be an asshole," Bob croaks. "It's not your fault."

Brian glowers down at Bob.

"Technically it's your parents' fault," Jepha points out.

Brian glowers at him.

Jepha shrugs.

Bob tries to sit, but he still can't, not on his own.

"Stay," Brian orders. "And give me a damn moment to think. I need to figure out how to explain this to the King and Queen." He studies Jepha.

The rest of Brian's countercurse hits Bob square in the chest and knocks the wind out of him. He's supposed to marry the fair and grounding person who woke him up. He does not want to be Brian right now.

"They'll be pleased he's awake," Jepha says thoughtfully.

Brian snorts. "_You_ can say that when _you_ announce that you're betrothed," Brian snaps.

"Sure," Jepha says.

"It's not that easy," Brian says with a scowl.

"Weren't you rescuing a princess or something?" Bob asks. It sounds like he swallowed rocks.

"She had already rescued herself by the time I got there," Jepha explains.

"That must have been embarrassing to explain," Bob says.

Jepha shrugs again. "Is it so bad to be betrothed to me?"

Bob doesn't know. He knew Jepha about a month or so before he blacked out. Bob shrugs. He doesn't even know how long he's been out.

"I give awesome head," Jepha announces solemnly.

Brian chokes on nothing and sputters like a cat dropped in a tub full of water. "Not until you're married!" he wheezes.

"You're a horrible chaperone anyway," Bob says. "Otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation. And you're not that old-fashioned either."

Brian tries to set Bob on fire with his eyes. If Brian really meant it, Bob would actually _be_ on fire. Brian's a total softy, especially because he knows that he created this situation.

"I could demonstrate," Jepha offers.

"Okay," Bob agrees before Brian can say anything.

Brian throws his hands up in defeat. "Fine! I'll be outside in the hallway having a coronary."

**:: :: ::**

  
Bob and Jepha marry three days later. The King and Queen have little say in it, because, well, it's their own damn fault.

**:: :: ::**

  
Jepha does give great head, and Bob is totally okay with that.

end!


End file.
